Commitment, Disability Awareness & Advocacy, Life, Uncategorized

Adversity, Growing Pains & the Hope of a New Life

When your adult child with a disability “grows up”…. meaning they are no longer a minor child, life changes. Sometimes in a big way. Time marches on. Their needs change – in so many ways, it’s difficult to keep up with!

Along with that change, I’ve learned that the various “systems” that support them (and myself as a parent), are seriously and fundamentally lacking.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. We as parents are getting older and we wonder, what’s going to happen to our children when we’re no longer around to either take care of them or advocate on their behalf? What will their lives be like, we wonder. Will they be deprived, neglected or abused? Will they be safe, healthy, happy and engaged and included within their community? These questions and thoughts keep me up at night – and truthfully have been with me every waking moment of his life, since birth. I know that I’m not alone, as a parent. Hello. Nice to meet you!

Suddenly life evolves, transcends or parts of that former life that existed in supports and services, simply deteriorate or disappear altogether in many areas – educational, social, mental, the physical, medical, financial, etc., (and not for the better, especially for those parents who have a child who is more severely or multiply-involved).

I’ve become overwhelmed lately in trying to figure out how best to prioritize and handle life on Max’s behalf – so it’s entirely about HIS life the way HE wants it. It’s quite frankly, daunting.

My brain literally wants to walk away and turn off – just for a little bit. Just long enough to re-charge and have quiet time to think this all through. Time is the problem here.

I’m so tired of repeating the same stories (his life story and various issues) over and over again to different people in different places, to get supports and services; to make what I consider to be necessary changes. Some people listen sympathetically. That’s good, right?

Well why do I have to keep telling the same story over and over? My God, it’s like Max and I live in an endless loop.

If I never had to talk to another person about his life (to get services/supports), and others did what they’re suppose to do, he would have a more meaningful, engaging and all-around better life, and hell, I’d have a life too. Peace might reign.

Well, that’s not going to happen where Max lives now. It sucks – unnecessarily so and it pisses me off. It doesn’t have to be that way and sometimes, I’m not nice. Too bad. Max is human and so am I. So…

Some good news in all of this, is that Max now has a remarkable, magical communication device based on eye-glance (Dynavox Tobii), and it’s being set up and programmed for him. It will be a life-journey, but I’m very happy for him to begin that. It’s hopeful that one day, he will be able to have his own voice in which he can speak his preferences, wants, needs, desires and dreams. This may be his ticket out of his current, sad living environment.

I can guarantee he NEVER would have gotten this device if I wasn’t the one that went after it. They would have still been just “looking at him looking” (no, I’m not kidding) and reaching for food or a drink, etc. But wait! I’m looking at them looking at Max. I see everything.

I imagine (too much and agonize over the fact) that there are many nonverbal people (with complex communication needs) out there who could communicate quite clearly what they want if they were given the opportunity, devices, training and patience to do so.

I have to fight for everything where Max lives now. Literally everything. He is living in a group home where no one responsible to support him, understands his emotional needs – those related to Self-Determination or community inclusion.

At his group home and local CMH, they continue to believe that ANYONE who is disabled, especially developmentally-disabled (no matter their age) is a “peer”, even if they’re old enough to be an aunt, uncle or grandparent. And there is absolutely NO opportunity or activities that put Max in touch with any non-disabled people in his age group. Slap my forehead.

They can’t comprehend his physical and medical needs, either current or in the future (there is no anticipation) of anything. They appear to not care at all. I don’t know if it’s out of ignorance or laziness or greed, because I have tried to educate them time and time again.

I constantly feel like I’m spinning my wheels, and while I’m talking to these people who could and should be making a difference, some aren’t listening at all or others have it down to nodding their heads sympathetically, while doing nothing.

Time, as we all know it, is running out for Max. He’s now existing in a very lonely, stagnant world. It’s bleak. It’s wrong. No one else locally or at the state or federal level is checking in. No one has reached out to me, ever. I have to do the reaching out and the follow up – consistently.

So am I wrong to feel at least a little bit upset by this betrayal of his very being? I think not.

He’s not in school anymore. He aged out at 26. In school they had lots of activities, including going out into the community. They’d take bottles back to the store for return, and go shopping for supplies for art projects. They’d volunteer and go to the Humane Society. They’d go out to eat at a restaurant. They’d work in their garden in the Spring/Summer.

They worked on academics and were given opportunities all the time to communicate in many different ways.

He’d be stretched out (given range of motion), and his leg braces would be put on according to the schedule that was set by the physical therapists. He’d be up in his sit-to-stand device – which would help to improve his digestion, circulation and bone density/strength. He’d be up standing tall. He had a teacher and staff who worked with him diligently, and cared about engaging him and working with him on fine-motor activities and communication. They’d notify me when his equipment had issues or something wasn’t going on right with him. If he was ill or if there was even a scratch. He doesn’t have that anymore. He doesn’t have the friends that he had at school either. Poof. Gone.

I’m not going to say that school was perfect. It wasn’t and I would even say that there was a certain amount of “seclusion” within the community at-large – but in a very rural community, this was most certainly better than sitting in front of a tv while laying in bed watching Paddington Bear for the 10th time (or staring out the window), while someone yelled they had to go to the bathroom – with the only hope of getting out during the week being those trips in the accessible van to the dentist or the doctor’s – or to the podiatrist to get your toe nails clipped and then running through the McDonald’s drive-thru.

There are some parents who understand exactly what I’m talking about and we’re “one” in that regard and not alone. We’re an unfortunate and sad “tribe”.

I understood, early on when Max was very young, about people who get “jobs” in the “social service” fields; those who do advocacy work. They go out and give presentations or do work shops, and help to represent children and adults with disabilities and their families. They advise. Sometimes they have children with a disability or disabilities – or maybe other family members. I learned that this can have its pros and cons.

As I’ve reached the age that I have, I’ve seen some “forget” what started them on that path. They become de-sensitized (I’m sure they’d argue against that – but eh, I’ve a right to my opinion).

Come on, let’s be honest. It happens. It’s called burn-out or “I stopped giving a fuck because everyone else stopped giving a fuck”. I refuse to buy into that bullshit. Don’t get me started on the lack of funding crap either. There ARE answers out there, if people are creative and innovative enough.

So instead of supporting and defending parents and families and individuals with disabilities, they take issue (offense) with any criticisms I have of the systems within which they work or about their associates?

That says a lot and it’s not good. When someone tries to make ME feel BAD for standing up for myself and my kid; for pointing out systemic breakdowns that hurt my kid, I take offense.

I’m hearing lately that everyone is “too busy”.

Sorry.

No, not sorry.

I care that those in a position (and who receive a salary) think it’s “okay” to use that excuse. That attitude directly affects my son’s quality of life and I’ll say it, his very life.

Cry me a river over the “too busy” bullshit. So suck it up buttercup. I’m not going away. I owe Max much better than that. I’m better than that. And they should be too.

This attitude has given me pause recently to re-think my position as Max’s parent, guardian and advocate, and how effective or ineffective I’ve been these past few years. And to think about EXACTLY what are the roadblocks in his life in getting him what he needs.

Do I need to change my “direction”? Do I need to re-assess which people or nonprofits, organizations, agencies, departments – either state or federal are worth my time or Max’s time in approaching? Am I wasting my time? Are there particular grass-root movements where Max would be better-served when it comes to my time and energy?

Obviously, changes need to happen. I believe that socially aware and involved people need to get together and have brainstorming sessions. We need to come together in making those changes. Everyone involved in the area of ALL the disabled. Too often, the most severely, multiply-disabled are left out of some very important discussions. Why? That should be obvious. They nor their parents or family can “make it” to the many meetings that happen at a distance from their homes, as they struggle to take care of their child or family member. They’re too busy just trying to survive.

Here’s one. How about instead of the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services/CMH’s hiring more fresh-out-of-college, inexperienced, incompetent social workers (who have absolutely no fucking idea of what’s suppose to be going on), they hire some activity directors to make those very much needed community connections (concentration on inclusion), into oh-my-god, meaningful and fun DAILY interactions? There. See? Was that so hard?

Start thinking outside the box people.

How about THROUGH the State of Michigan, MDHHS, the CMH’s, Intermediate School Systems, and other advocacy organizations, together, figure a way to REACH out to EVERY person with a disability and their family members – to make sure that THEY’RE meeting EVERYONE’S needs; to LISTEN; to really hear ideas, suggestions, comments? Btw, not everyone has or can afford to be connected via the internet or has a computer. Think that they can get to a library? Think again.

Thinking about HIPA and Privacy issues?

I’ll sign a release of information for them to contact me if that’s what it takes – you know, because privacy issues should continue to keep myself and Max (and others) in the dark and unsupported? Wow. Just wow. SMH.

Let’s do better…. as human beings. Be mindful. The sky’s the limit.

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Disability Awareness & Advocacy, Uncategorized

Disabled and Poor – You Are Now Entering the Twilight Zone

Usually being disabled means that you are also poor. I think that we’ve already established this before, but it bears repeating. Originally, I wanted to sub-title this blog, “Living Poor and Disabled in a F*cked Up World”… but didn’t. It’s still a relevant statement.

Case in point, is the following article that I came across, of a young woman who is disabled and requires personal care, among other supports and services. She is being forced to remain poor (having no choice) so that she can receive the necessary services and supports through Medicaid that she must have in order to receive personal care, mobility, an education, keep her home maintained and to travel for work. You know…. live a normal life like everyone else.

If she makes a little bit too much money, she will lose her Medicaid – so she can’t move ahead in her life. It’s a Catch-22 and it’s a huge obstruction in the life of someone who wants a better life. Shouldn’t we want that for each other?

Yet that “choice” (which probably should be called a nonchoice) does not allow her to live the full and purposeful life that she could and should be living – the kind of life she desires to choose for herself. She is being denied a self-determined life, which is a human right.

Many, many people with disabilities have to live “non-lives” for many reasons. It could be lack of funding (a common excuse that I hear about way too much when it comes to community mental health or health and human services, etc.). Oh-oh-oh, here’s another one – “We don’t have a program that covers that”.

Some people are denied medical benefits outright, as in if you’re a few dollars “over-income” – or some disabled people have to end up paying a high deductible or co-pay. This is a problem when their income isn’t actually steady.

There are just so many ways to hurt people and keep them down.

A lot of people receive less in the way of supports and services than what they need to have a good quality of life – let alone maybe…. just maybe make the world a better place, if they were truly supported.

Let’s add to this list.

There is a lack of qualified personal care assistants “out there”. Staff shortages are rampant. Sometimes when there are benefits (covered by Medicaid), people can’t find staff to fill all of those needed hours. Direct care workers receive little if any respect when they work for companies or agencies, who are “just in this for the money”. Most of these care assistants are working more than 12 hours shifts, and that’s not good or safe for anyone. These positions are among the lowest-paying and that’s a fact. The companies and agencies that hire them, do NOT pass down their profits to their direct care workers, so don’t be fooled by that.

Then there are those disabled people and their families who are mired in bureaucracy and red tape (up to their necks), with no advocates to help them, and sometimes people give up. There are those who can’t meet overwhelmingly strict requirements to get benefits and they don’t know where to turn. They may not have access to transportation either. And what if your job is on the weekends, but there isn’t any accessible public transportation on the weekends?

There is constant ignorance and systemic breakdowns… You name it and there’s a roadblock or some gatekeeper, meglomaniac, couldn’t-give-a-shit, apathetic piece of crap person at the other end.

God, I have so many descriptive words I’d like to insert here …. you have no idea.

This is an article by S.I. Rosenbaum, entitled, “Locked into Poverty – Impossible Choices Forced on the Disabled” – Presented by Microsoft News in partnership with Spotlight on Poverty and Opportunity.

This is Anna Landre’s story. Please click on the link above.

I encourage you to read this because it’s very much real-life for people with disabilities, especially those who are dependent upon others and our society to not just survive, but to thrive. Purposeful, Meaningful, Striving and Thriving – without conditions is key.

Will the world ever evolve?

Locked into Poverty – Impossible Choices Forced on the Disabled

And then there’s Jason DaSilva from New York City… His life story up to this point (and I’m sure beyond) has been very telling about what it’s like to make difficult and often unbearable, heartbreaking choices.

In 2006, 25-year-old Jason DaSilva was on vacation at the beach with family when, suddenly, he fell down. He couldn’t get back up. His legs had stopped working; his disease could no longer be ignored. Just a few months earlier doctors had told him that he had multiple sclerosis, which could lead to loss of vision and muscle control, as well as a myriad of other complications. Jason tried exercise to help cope, but the problem only worsened. After his dispiriting fall on the beach, he turned to his Mom, who reminded him that, despite his disease, he was still a fortunate kid who had the opportunity to pursue the things he loved most: art and filmmaking. Jason picked up the camera, turned it on his declining body, and set out on a worldwide journey in search of healing, self-discovery, and love.

At one time, I had the entire documentary (“When We Walk”) and posted it on my Facebook page. If you have the opportunity to follow him on Facebook or You Tube you should!

We learn from Jason, the disparity that exists between cities, counties and states in the United States that shouldn’t exist when it comes to supports and services for those who have disabilities, but it does. He tried to live near his son in Texas, when his son and his mom moved there, but the system in Texas didn’t support Jason to be able to do this. He lost his independence and he would have lost his personal essence; that part of the human spirit that makes us who we are as human beings, each and every one of us if he would have stayed. He was forced to return to New York City. That’s sad.

There are thousands upon thousands of life stories out there in the world of babies, children, adults who have one or multiple disabilities with varying degrees of severity. Every ONE is precious and their lives have meaning and purpose. I often have told my grandchildren that they are each unique in all the world. To me, that is beautiful and amazing!

Be kind but more, be involved and supportive. Stand up and do what’s right. I shouldn’t even have to write this blog. There are things in this life that should “just be” without question.

I will continue to believe that, “Where there is life, there’s HOPE“.

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Disability Awareness & Advocacy, Uncategorized

Down the Rabbit Hole – Lost, Dazed and Confused and yet…

Just when I think that I can’t take one more step forward, and that I’ve exhausted all avenues of escape for Max, there’s a glimmer of hope. When I say “escape” for Max, I’m talking about him having a good to great to excellent quality of life. That means to me his ability to “get out there” and have fun in the community, while he explores different areas of interest.

I’ve been in the trenches the past few weeks… or maybe more like in a fox hole, fighting with myself, while I fight with others.

EndhazomGurl

Why can’t they just do their fucking jobs? Ugh. It’s ridiculous.

More so, it’s insane that I have to FIGHT for what’s RIGHT. And I hate what this is doing to me as a human being. But more so, and this is THE most important thing – What it’s doing to Max.

I’ve been wavering, which is exactly the opposite of what I should be doing. But this is what happens along the way when you have a child/adult like Max, who is so disabled. It makes you weary and you have to take the time to re-coup.

It might “appear” (to others) that Max can’t do or communicate anything and therefore, nothing is expected. You know…. like…why don’t I just go away and STOP advocating for him? Why don’t I let the locals “be” to do basically nothing but warehouse him?

Is it because I’m a tenacious bitch? Or maybe I’m just here to make them do their jobs and make their lives miserable. Could be (kinda).

But no. I do what I do because it’s the RIGHT thing to do.

I’ve tried repeatedly to educate these people. For over three years I’ve brought up all kinds of issues. I’ve talked about his rights, the rules. I’ve been snarky. I’ve been nice. I’ve tried to come up with (reasonable) solutions and I get nothing in return.

I’ve tried with state advocacy organizations and apparently I or Max either live “outside” their jurisdiction or Max’s problems are not the type of problems that he can get support from them with.

But I keep moving forward, telling his story over and over again. I’ve tried to rectify his issues, while trying to keep the fires from raging to keep him from being burned.

And what was that about the “squeaky wheel gets the grease”. Sometimes, yes…. most times no – unless you find the right person.

I’ve now contacted his state representative, who sent me a HUGE packet of information to glean from. I LOVE searching through RULES and REGULATIONS and LAWS!!! To me that’s like the “key to the kingdom” of FREEDOM and LIBERTY for Max. It’s ammunition. It’s like being able to put that last puzzle piece into place and having a true work of amazing and beautiful art in front of me – created from all those little misshapen pieces.

I’ve been in contact with the Office of Recipient Rights, and there is an ongoing search for information (and hopefully a quiet investigation beginning? ).

And I’m still waiting to hear from another person at the state level when it comes to the question of Self-Determination and Max’s lack of that being offered.

I’m growing inpatient and I’m not sure at this point if the attention I’ve gotten (through email and phone) has really accomplished anything, other than temporarily placating me. We’ll see.

I thought it all was beginning to move forward….

And yet…. within the past 48 hours, the local DHS just tried to cut Max’s Health Benefits off. Can you believe it? For now, he’s safe.

I’ll write about that in my next post. What a shit show. Oh well, the ACLU is already in the county here, dealing with some other outlandish, discriminatory bullshit, so how convenient is that?

Off to war I go….

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Disability Awareness & Advocacy, Mental Health, Uncategorized

In Defense of the Vulnerable – How the Complaint/Appeals Process in Michigan Makes Life Worse

This is all about our most vulnerable citizens. Our friends and family members. All of our loved ones. It’s about those people who are elderly and the disabled who have no family or friends and are at the mercy of those put in charge to make sure that they are cared for. The elderly can be disabled. The disabled can be elderly. Some people are born disabled and others are disabled in accidents and by poor life choices. It happens. Be compassionate. Some are disabled by sickness and disease. No one asked for any of this. There should not be any blame. We’re all unique and are who we are through our life experiences. Namaste’.

EVERYONE isn’t that far away from losing it all – and being poor. Accidents and illnesses happen every day.

We all need to stick together and support each other.

Remember this – everyone in their lifetime will become disabled in some form. Let that one sink in. So…

Below are the beginning questions on the State of Michigan Department of Attorney General’s (AG) Consumer Complaint/Inquiry Form. I looked to the AG on behalf of my son. I had previously filed a recipient rights complaint and went through that process and appeals, locally and at the state-level, which turned out to be a total waste of my son’s time. Six months of his life gone and no one was held accountable for the harm and long-term damage caused. All involved and responsible, got to walk away with no consequences for the medical neglect that he endured and is still dealing with physically.

And so…

Here is the MI Attorney General’s Consumer Complaint/Inquiry Form here (to print out) and online here (to fill in online).

Please be aware of the following:

Complaints and inquiries become public records when they are submitted to the Attorney General’s office, and under the Michigan Freedom of Information Act, copies may be subject to disclosure to anyone who asks for them.

A copy of the complaint will be sent to the business against whom the complaint is issued. An accurate company Fax number will expedite processing.”

(OMG, they actually want to EXPEDIATE this process!)

– A copy of the complaint may be sent to other governmental agencies.

(So if your complaint is against a government agency, you’re fucked.)

” – Please be particularly cautious with information containing your Social Security number, credit card account numbers, etc. for security purposes. If you believe it is necessary to submit such information, you should mail that information and the corresponding complaint instead of sending it electronically.

Do not use punctuation when providing names and addresses.

Wow. Just wow. Nothing like putting a target on your back, eh? No guarantees of protection from retaliation. No protections at all. So if you’re making a complaint against ANYONE (could include a local, county, state business, agency or department) they get a head’s up – so that they can harass you, “threaten” you, retaliate against you in all kinds of ways.

I called the Michigan Attorney General’s office, without giving my name (of course), to ask about “protection against retaliation” if I filed a complaint.

I was told that I probably wouldn’t have to worry (right away), because whoever I was filing a complaint against wouldn’t know “immediately” that I was filing a complaint (unless you fax it – see above- so that the AG’s office can EXPEDIATE the process).

I was told that it would take at least a couple of weeks to fulfill any “freedom of information” (FOIA) request – without mention of the fact that “A copy of the complaint WILL be sent to the business against who the complaint is issued” – so then what? Sit tight?

Oh joy. That just makes me want to get right out there, jump up and down, and scream from the rooftops that my son was harmed. Not.

When I asked this question (about protection from retaliation), the person in the AG’s office had to leave the phone to go “ask someone” about it. Why? Because apparently, no one had ever asked that question before?! Fuck me! Really?

So WHY would anyone ever want to open themselves up to retaliation (which comes in many forms and degrees of severity), making their lives and the lives of their loved one more miserable (and potentially more dangerous)?

I’m curious to know how it works in YOUR state?

I’ve also learned, per personal experience, that the State of Michigan has stacked the deck against any form of justice or accountability/responsibility when it comes to their own legislature, under Michigan’s Mental Health Code.

This ONE paragraph in the decision letter that I received from the MI Department of Health and Human Services (how ironic) DESTROYED any hope of the truth coming out and overcoming evil, while proceeding to hold those responsible for the damage that they caused. It said:

“The Department will review the requested information and either uphold the original decision or return this matter to the (local/original) community mental health for additional investigation and consideration”.

WHY? Why would anyone think that this would be reasonable ANYWHERE, but especially in the United States of America? When it comes to full-disclosure; gathering ALL of the facts, with the expectancy that there would be no conflict of interest, where is the fairness and justice in how appeals are handled? Why would the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services/Department of Recipient Rights send this BACK TO THE LOCAL APPEALS COMMITTEE TO….. what? …. rule against a decision they’d already made? It certainly gives the appearance of protecting their collective backs – at the expense of my son who was neglected and harmed.

I’m betting that this has happened to many individuals and families in the State of Michigan.

The Michigan Department of Health and Human Services can do this legal “roundabout”, according to Michigan’s Mental Health Code. (when I locate this elusive mental health code, rule or reg, I will edit this post and add that part). I had it at one time, but I have stacks and stacks of records and files and I want to get this published.

The only way to change (the unfairness/conflict of interest/lack of protection from retaliation) is through legislature (I’m told) – which I’ve looked into and believe me, it’s not happening. I am still waiting two months out for my son’s state representative to get back to me. I am not holding my breath. I’m too smart (experienced) for that now.

Isn’t that sad? It’s no-man’s land out there. But I still keep on keeping on. I’ll figure it out, and when I do it will be all for the good.

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Disability Awareness & Advocacy, Group Home, Mental Health, Music, Uncategorized

Another Brick in the Wall

In Max’s life – “Another Brick in the Wall” translates into “Another Roadblock in Life”. The constant assaults on his individuality and integrity and personhood continue. It’s moments like this, that I wish I could sit across the table from Max, we both drinking a beer, while talking and laughing “about life”. I want to hear about his hopes and dreams. I want to know how he’s really feeling.

Then I’m dragged back into the reality of it all. All of this real-life crap that surrounds him. It’s been never-ending bullshit lately. I’m feeling powerless. I hate that feeling, and usually when I get to this point (it does happen sometimes), it spurs me on and makes me even stronger… eventually. Ha!

KORN

I meant to post more regularly (I have a lot to say) – with proof that Max lives and not merely exists in a world that doesn’t recognize his humanity, but life can be cruel. I got distracted by “life”. I had to take some time to re-group and make contact with people in-the-know. This is how it is when you have a child/adult with multiple, more severe disabilities. Networking and finding resources are EVERYTHING! It’s a fact in living this kind of life.

I know that it’s been awhile.

This week I visited him in his group home. When I walked in, he was sitting in front of the tv in the common living room. Two other people were sleeping in their wheelchairs. He was slumped in his wheelchair and needed to be pulled up. No one noticed except me. He was drooling so much that the front of his shirt was sopping wet. He had a look on his face that suggested he was disinterested in whatever he was suppose to be watching on tv.

At first he looked at me, like he really wasn’t seeing me. And then, he smiled as I used his shirt to wipe the drool off his chin. He needed his hair combed. He smelled. He only gets a shower on 2nd shift every day. Apparently, it doesn’t matter if he gets up in the morning, after having a bowel movement and sweating all night, that maybe someone should have given him a good bed bath in the morning?

I guess that’s not a part of the routine in this group home. It’s probably that way in most, if not all group homes. They’re very big on following the routine for “the whole”. There is no individuality in that regard. Or maybe it’s all about who is verbal and the loudest. Therefore, Max is not verbal and not the loudest. Max is also non-ambulatory, so no one has to go after him if he runs. Then it becomes survival of the fittest. Did you get that?

And I learned yesterday, when I contacted his “support coordinator” through email (I like creating paper trails) that they’re all about discouraging me from commenting, suggesting, complaining. She said that staff did engage him throughout the day but went onto say that basically, he “couldn’t have all their attention all day”, etc.

I want to make something very clear here. More times than not, it’s not the staff that is the problem (although there are those few). In fact most care providers work short-staffed, and are forced to work long hours – mostly 12 hour shifts – for very little pay (that needs to change). I’ve seen them exhausted and disrespected. I also know that they have their own families. In Max’s case, more than a few of his care providers have included him in their own family gatherings, and I’m grateful for that – as he has no close family living near him.

My problem is with the company that they work for and their managers. My problem is also with the local CMH who should be monitoring his care and working in partnership with myself and keeping me informed. They do the opposite. Where they should be diligent in their oversight and transparent, they avoid any communication with me unless it’s absolutely necessary. They don’t continue to educate themselves and they can’t see another way; the way that it’s suppose to be in creating a safe, happy, meaningful life for my son.

I’ve been stonewalled. I never see anything documented in his notebook and neither am I offered a look-see or a verbal report. I don’t get to hear, as in, “today we used small toys for Max to pick up and drop into a container, to maintain/increase his fine motor skills”. There’s no running commentary, ever.

They inform me of NOTHING. All I know is that every time I go over there, he’s sitting in his wheelchair doing nothing, except watching tv. Or laying in his bed watching his tv / listening to talking books (which I set up for him with the Library for the Blind). Note: I told the group home manager that books on tape could be easily acquired and set up for all the residents there (it’s FREE), but did that happen? No.

Every observation/comment that I made in writing in this email was countered and I was basically called a liar and my concerns belittled or questions unanswered. I WANT to reply back…. but won’t because it’s wasted energy and it’s all frustrating the hell out of me right now. (I need to think about how to effectively deal with this.)

She said Max didn’t smell… Believe me, he did. Perhaps,“that smell” is normal for her in the group homes that she visits. She only sees Max for 15 minutes 3x month. And NOW I know that every time she sees him, she doesn’t really “see him”. Excuses. They all have these pitiful excuses and I’m made to feel like I’m an unreasonable whiner. Fuck that.

I know “they” (CMH/Group Home Management) wish that I would go away and not visit him at all. I know they wish that I would just shut up and not care and let them NOT do their jobs; that I would be like other family members who drop of “their person” and walk away.

But I won’t. Fuck them.

Max received a Dynavox Tobii. It’s all based on eye-glance. Think of what Stephen Hawking used to communicate. Someday he WILL tell me what’s happened to him and what his wants, needs, hopes and dreams are. Someday he will have his OWN voice, and there won’t be anymore cop-outs, lies or manipulating from other people who would continue to get in his way of being self-determined.

When he starts using this, over time, he will get better and better. It may take a long time and I’m sure that both he and I will be discouraged – if staff isn’t trained and/or refuse to make this device accessible for his use (Dynavox Rep and SLP are coming to his home to set up everything, program the device and train staff) when I’m not there, but you know what?

Fuck them.

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Disability Awareness & Advocacy, Music, Uncategorized

I Won’t Let Go! I Will Defy Gravity!

By The Veer Union

“Defying Gravity”

Heavy is the heart I’m holding
(it’s holding me down)
With the weight of the world with no wings
(I’m stuck to the ground)

What was once a dream?
Is lost inside a scream?
I just need the energy
So I can fight the enemy in me

(I won’t let go, I won’t let go!)

I’ve been six feet underground
Fighting to be found
But I won’t let go
I won’t let go!
I’ve been locked inside a cage
Left to rot away
But I won’t let go
I won’t let go!

(I will be, defying gravity!
I will be, I will be defying gravity!)

This is not a revelation
(It’s what I’ve become)
This is just a destination
(To where I belong)

So I will right the wrong
And rise up to the sun
I just need the energy
So I can fight the enemy in me…

(I won’t let go, I won’t let go!)

I’ve been six feet underground
Fighting to be found
But I won’t let go
I won’t let go!
I’ve been locked inside a cage
Left to rot away
But I won’t let go
I won’t let go!

(I will be, defying gravity!
I will be, I will be defying gravity!)

(I will be, defying gravity!
I won’t let go… I WON’T LET GO!!!)

I’ve been six feet underground
Fighting to be found
But I won’t let go
I won’t let go!
I’ve been locked inside a cage
Left to rot away
But I won’t let go
I won’t let go!

(I will be, defying gravity!
I will be, I will be defying gravity!)

I fell into the fire,
Then stepped into the storm
The truth is but a liar
The day that it was born
I’ll erase the lies within
To find the truth again

I will be, defying gravity…

I will be defying gravity!!

There are those moments in life, when I become weary and heartsick. Tired of what seems to be an unending battle for every little forward step I try to take on behalf of my son and others. I feel so sore, with an ache that spreads down deep into my bones, and every movement brings pain … and I weep for all the wrongs in the world. I don’t understand (and will never understand) why people hurt people, when we’re all suppose to be ONE. We’re suppose to care about each other, to protect each other… to only do good unto and for each other.

I am resting right now – just a little while along this path called Life.

And then I will pick myself up again and move – one step at a time… down the road – until I meet up with YOU.

I hope you’re looking for me too.

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Disability Awareness & Advocacy, guardianship, Uncategorized

Update: Emily Delph – Still Suffering to Survive in Michigan.

Small in stature, with severe, multiple disabilities (cerebral palsy being one diagnosis), Emily Delph continues to be large in her determination to survive a broken legal (probate court) system in Michigan and currently inadequate medical care, on the west side of this state. Michigan is called the Great Lakes, but there’s nothing great about the medical neglect and yes, abuse, happening to Emily since she was taken from her mom. Emily is languishing and deteriorating in a nursing home – when she should be home with her mom, receiving the great care she’s always received. She should be home with her lights and toys, computer, movies, therapies, community outings, music; being engaged, entertained, happy, but now….. she has nothing.

There were NO neglect or abuse charges (there never was) against Holly Delph – and the court recognizes and everyone who has testified (10/24/2019) agrees, that before Emily was taken from her home and her mom (09/17/2019), that she was well taken care of. Her health was not just maintained, but she thrived when her mom moved to stop looking to Network 180 to do what they were suppose to be in place to do (provide access to her community), and Holly moved ahead with warm water (pool) therapy and getting Emily involved in her community herself – going to special events. I will include pictures and video at the end of this post.

What actually happened is based entirely on the dislike of an older white woman towards a young, black woman – even though that black woman is severely limited (total care) physically and is nonverbal – which made Emily Delph an “easy mark” for an entitled, prejudiced, closed-minded, cruel bully to move in and do her worst. This is the type of person who can’t stand that someone like Emily would even exist – especially within “her” world, and worse, in this woman’s mind, Emily’s mom is white! Apparently, THAT was the last straw for this woman. I can’t believe that this is 2019 and there are antiquated, ass-backwards people like that still out there – but eh, look at the POTUS that we have today, who incites the worst of the worst . It’s repugnant.

REMEMBER WE MUST CONTINUE TO RESIST HATE!

When Emily’s mom, Holly Delph, got up to speak on behalf of her daughter during the Michigan Attorney General’s Elderly Abuse Task Force Tour, (which has proven to be a huge failure and mostly a PR stunt) held around the State of Michigan and in Kent County, this privileged white woman was OFFENDED. Yep, she was offended. It gets worse.

This woman had set up shop in the back of the room, as a Representative of Area on Aging in this county. You heard that right. She was suppose to be there as a support and resource for families and individuals in need. She was quite the opposite.

She was the beginning of Emily Delph’s imprisonment and medical neglect. This woman’s false accusations, without proof, sealed Emily’s fate. This was further perpetuated by a probate court system and judge who handed over Emily’s “case” (person) to a state-appointed, public guardian named Karin Van Sweden.

This Representative of Area on Aging said that Holly was “irrational” and “hitting her head”, which is not true (witnesses who were there have been located and will be providing testimony/affidavits). Holly didn’t even find out about “the why” of any of this until she went back to probate court on October 24th! Until then, she had NO real idea what happened, although there were some thoughts on this related to other false and misconstrued statements made on social media – you know…. “if it’s on the internet, it must be true” bullshit.

And to-date, Emily still does not have her wheelchair, orthotics (leg brace worth $3500), toys or clothing, while she is being held captive at The Laurels of Kent County (nursing home). Michigan’s Licensing and Regulatory Affairs (LARA) has been called in to investigate. When asked by Michigan’s LARA where all of Emily’s things are, the court-appointed, public guardian commented that she “was afraid to bring in everything because they might get lost”. Just wow. Emily’s wheelchair is customized as are her orthotics (leg/foot braces) which provide for her positioning needs, so that Emily is held in comfortable, therapeutic positioning – to keep her from regressing physically. To my knowledge these items have yet to be produced. Who knows, maybe they’ve been sold. Who cares, right?

To further explain, for those who don’t understand how Community Mental Health in Michigan works (and believe me they all work differently, depending on which county you live in) and they all interact with the State of Michigan differently as well, I have included an explanation below.

Holly had tried to work with Network 180 for quite some time.

For those who are not familiar with Network 180, this is the same as with other Community Mental Health locations (county agencies) in Michigan. Sometimes mental health in different counties, go by different names. They are all in place under the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services. They are suppose to be in place to support and serve not just those with mental illnesses; children and adults with Autism; challenging behaviors; those dealing with addiction issues, but they are also suppose to work with individuals who are developmentally-disabled (and of course their families).

Network 180 is based in Kent County (Grand Rapids), where Holly and Emily live. Network 180 was suppose to provide services and supports to Emily and Holly in the form of respite and community living supports, but because (their reasoning) Emily was “so disabled”, they couldn’t find trained/experienced workers to come in-home and those who could accompany Emily out into the community.

Unfortunately, community mental health has long been lacking in the area of providing appropriate/necessary supports and services to those who ALSO have physical disabilities – especially to those who have the severest forms. Within the State of Michigan, those who are developmentally-disabled AND more severely, physically-involved (severely, multiply-disabled) are indeed the minority within the disability community.

Those who are more medically-fragile, non-ambulatory and nonverbal are the most silent of the silent minority. Therefore, they are easily taken advantage of and too often are disenfranchised and so are their families. It’s next to impossible for these individuals and their families to fight for supports, services and their civil rights – as most of their time is spent simply getting by and surviving. So therefore my reason for trying to explain some of this to those who “just don’t know” or have no idea what’s going on here and in the State of Michigan right now.

Whether any of us would like to admit this or not; to recognize that discrimination does exist… it most certainly does. To ignore it, is not just to condone it, but to perpetuate it. Over the years, Holly “learned” that it does exist – as Emily, adopted from Haiti, is black. My understanding and I have heard this from more than one person, is that this part of Michigan is pervasively discriminatory and prejudice against those who are not white. Absolutely, attention needs to be drawn to that fact and how inhumane and disgusting that is.

And so here we are…. Or rather, here is where Emily is at.

“They don’t follow protocol about basic cleaning around stoma. There are big reasons why this nursing home has so many fines.”
and
“Emily is dying. I’m no longer going to be nice about staff. The condition I found her in was horrible. These people cant even clean a PEG.. her leg was all twisted. Found a stink bug”.
– Holly Delph –

Better times…..

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